Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
