if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
