1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
