ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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