Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
