how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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