You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
