I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
