did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
