why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
