Christians are straight up FREAKS
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
