planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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