Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
