I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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