Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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