Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
