4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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