how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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