who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
