I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
