I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
