As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
