I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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