know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
