I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just fell off a train. Bad.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Randomize
