I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My penis needs a shock collar
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
