I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
