Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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