Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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