In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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