recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
