i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
