the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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