dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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