absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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