This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
