with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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