can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
