I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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