dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
