I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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