I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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