im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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