K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
