Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
