I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
