you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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