Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
