My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
