Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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