she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
